Kelly the dalmatian haiku

bad-tempered, gassy
pooch, more white hair than black spots
covering the couch

bit the neighbor's kids
and barked unpleasantly when
the ice-cream truck passed

obesity maintained
by stealing food from table
mostly crummy pet

knee (pads, caps, in the nuts) haiku

mid-leg squishy friends
I would wear them everyday
but they're fashion don'ts

crazy patella
floating in front of two bones
who placed you there, then?

a violent act
often used to circumscribe
further violence

kidhood at Kmart haiku

wafting popcorn scent
cherry or cola icees
mom wheels cart past them

parked in weedy lot
to purchase socks, gloves, school stuff
glean the wealthy shelves

K-Ranch jeans, cheap shoes,
cleaning supplies and watches,
look, blue light special!

kafkaesque haiku

Shelley Duvall grins
pulls the covers up and tells
Woody how the sex was

moonlight in forest
badger searches for lost cave
where weasel judge lives

the pious monk Greg
awoke one morning to find
he was Buddha's nose

killer kittens haiku

fluffy balls of fur
make cute little mewing sounds
slash your sleeping throat

funny little guy
batting around a cat toy
wants to eat your spleen

sweet whiskered faces
innocent eyes just a mask
for murder urges

Jerry Lewis Haiku

Moonlight on barn door
a distant bird cry is heard
"Hey laaaaaady! ooopsie."

lazy mountain stream
three leaves drift in the current
one trips over log

winter's chill again
the face of snow in the clouds
saying "nyoooyyyy-durr!"

Jabberwocky haiku

wan doth brillig day
creeb slithey toves to breakfast
beamish H-boy snores

wath scrabes do verze out
like gibrish kus on thiz blog
should be allig nord

juvenile haiku

barely old enough
to stand on its own meaning
the poem rises

this drab metaphor
will be colorful meaning
in a few more reads

Jenny haiku

eight six seven five
three o ny-ee-ine, eight six
seven five three o

just-in-time haiku

mist across the lake
wolf howls in the near distance
the home team has scored

H-boy arrives home
checks refrigerator door
beer goes bad Tuesday

jury-rigged haiku

scraping nature scene
from the bottom of my shoe
pebbles, grass and gum

full moon, waving trees
you know the drill--here a frog
jumps up, steals spotlight

inconvenient haiku

H-boy's haikus re
his STDs make it hard
to date haiku chicks.

inverse relationship haiku

the more poems h-boy
writes, the lower his name sinks
on Forbes richest list

idiot-proof haiku

Language is key.
If it's not American
English, they won't read.

Next up, brevity.
Must be short enough to read
during commercials.

But most important:
If you want the big haiku bucks,
gotta sex it up.

irregular haiku

As summer retreats
badger seeks water, food. Dines
in some odd places.

Zen-monk finds bargain:
ten-dollar winter coat, but
the sleeves aren't same lengths.

Spanish verb freaks out.
Needs completely different
root for its past tense.

I, haiku

First law of haiku:
Haiku should do no harm to
its reader, ever.

Second haiku law:
Haiku should not compromise
its author's street cred.

Third law of haiku:
Whatever, dude. Buddha
says we should party.

Italian food haiku

Wheat becomes pasta
pasta boils, softens some.
(But not too much, Al!)

Sausage, crisped nicely,
shiny admidst the onions,
red and green peppers.

And who was it who
figured out a circle of
melted cheese, bread, sauce?

heckler haiku

spring wind across trees...
"Yo h-boy, get a life--I
belch better haiku!"

Whew, tough crowd tonight.
"Yeah, I remember my first
poetry workshop..."

H-boy sucks??? Hey, he
doesn't bug you at Walmart...
tell you how to greet.

Hickenlooper haiku

Successful mayor,
though I suspect many votes
for him were "beer votes."

Could be governor,
staying put. He's already
jumped out of a plane.

Fixed downtown parking
then named Poet Laureate
for Denver--way cool.

horse haiku

SPECIAL GUEST POET -- S. Gabrielle Frey

A horse walks into
a bar in Lamar oh sh*t
there goes our license.

(from an actual bar in the actual Lamar, CO with indeed, an actual horse)